This will be my last weekend that I am pregnant. It is strange to think about, but I will never look down at my stomach and see it moving in the same way again. I think about how long it took me to get to this point, and how there were so many moments when I was quite sure I would never know what it would feel like to be at this point in time. I think about how many times I was filled with hopelessness and wanted to give up. I think about how many times I got my hopes up, only to have them come crashing down again. I think about all of the lessons I learned about empathy, kindness, understanding, and withholding judgment along the way. And then I think about all of the ways that I learned to cope and to find beauty and joy amidst those sad days.
Mostly, what helped me make it through all of those days was the fact that I always felt like I had people in my corner who gave me the support and understanding that I needed. David, Melissa, Sarah, my Mom, Dad, and Knightley; I cannot explain how much more my family has come to mean to me in the past few years as they have borne my burdens with me and seen me through those days. The past few years have taught me even more about what real friendship means, as I have been lucky to have a few great friends who have supported me and listened to me in my darkest hours. From a spiritual point of view, I have felt what it is like to truly despair and feel the relief that comes from getting the answers that I have sought out for myself, when the blanket “Sunday School answers” were not good enough to relieve my distress. So, I am thankful for that.
Now, I just want to thank these two little guys still inside of me, but whom I will meet very soon. There were many days that I doubted that we would get to this point. I wasn’t sure that they were strong enough or that I was strong enough, and I felt that my body was failing them in providing them a place where they could grow and be healthy. I am glad that they showed me that they were stronger than I gave them credit for at times. I am glad they didn’t give up and that my body didn’t fail them. I am so thankful to them for making me a mother. I will miss them growing inside of me, but I cannot wait to meet them properly.
David and I have one more weekend to ourselves (or rather, Knightley has one more weekend with us to himself). We plan to celebrate our last DINK date tomorrow night at the Fearrington House. It might be a while before we once again have the chance to have a night to ourselves, but we have so much to look forward to.