I said that my next blog post would be about my anger towards House Republicans trying to extract blood while threatening the world economy. It isn’t going to be about that. As much anger as I have for what they are trying to do to our country, I am going to write about something a little more close to home.
I didn’t think that I would be writing about this for quite some time, as I wanted to give us plenty of time to make sure everything looked to be working out okay. I wanted to assume that because I have had such a difficult road getting pregnant, that I would have a less difficult road staying pregnant. I am not that far along. On Saturday, I will be six weeks pregnant, to be exact about things (and you can be fairly exact about things when you are seeing a reproductive endocrinologist). Last night, I started to have some bleeding, and it didn’t take long for me to assume the worst as par for the course with everything else that I have experienced up to this point. Today, after some reassurance from a doctor and an ultrasound, I am still pregnant, and grateful.
Like I said before, all of this is really, really hard for me. Everyday that I wake up and I am still pregnant, I am grateful. Everyday I feel pregnancy related symptoms, I am grateful. If I ever make it to where I am puking my guts out in a toilet 24 hours a day, I will be grateful. I know that so many things about my body are out of my control, and for a perfectionist, control freak, like myself, that is incredibly hard to take. I need to relax more and be calm about things; I know, but I cannot stop reading too much into every single symptom that my body is giving me and then assuming the worst is at hand.
Last night I was just grateful to have a warm doggie that wanted to snuggle with me as I waited out the night (I didn’t sleep much), until it was the morning and I could go see my doctor.
These are the two songs I kept listening to on repeat trying to make myself feel better and fall asleep:
That one might make sense. I can’t explain this one as much:
I feel better today.