I didn’t want to turn this into some morose infertility blog. But here I am, on the day that I am supposed to start ovarian stimulation for IVF and it is all I can think about. At 6:00 pm today I will begin my first round of shots of Gonal-F and Menopur. I am really terrified, a small part for the shots, but in larger part because I don’t know if my body is going to respond properly or not. The IVF protocol that I am on is different from the one that most people start with, as I am starting with the Antagonist protocol (here is a sample schedule that looks similar to the one I will be doing), which is used more often than not for women who are “poor responders” and have lesser ovarian reserves. I knew going into this that our chances of success were not great, even with IVF (and I say our, though really, I feel like it is my chances, because David’s only fertility problem is that he married me).
Pretty much, I just pity anyone who has to be around me or talk to me for the next month (two weeks for the IVF cycle, the two weeks after that either to wait for a pregnancy test or to get over the fact that I didn’t even make it that far).
And then after that, I have to make a decision about what I should do next, in part so I can stop moping for the entire day whenever this Arcade Fire song comes on the radio during my drive into work in the morning.