Here is what I meant when I said I am losing my mind.
On Sunday at church, I got up to offer my testimony during Sacrament Meeting, because it has been that kind of month. By “that kind of month” I mean, there are many things that have seemingly been going wrong, but it seems pretty impossible for me to deny how much I have seen evidence of Jesus’s Christ love for me and my family. So I got up, spoke a few sentences, and then everything that I thought I was going to say went completely out of my head. I felt like a four-year old who didn’t know what to say and who needed her mommy to whisper what to say next in her ear. Only my mommy was hundreds of miles away and no one was going to whisper my thoughts in my ear in intelligible prose. I tried to start forming sentences, and I didn’t know how to finish them. I completely choked, and by the time I made it back to my pew to sit down, I was quite sure I had been rambling on complete nonsense like that news anchor that was a big hit on You Tube that time because everyone thought she had a stroke in the middle of her broadcast. So, I sort of had a mini-meltdown, and then I realized that I still had to teach Sunday School class that day, offering up yet another opportunity for me to stumble over the English language.
I used to be good with words. Some even once thought I was eloquent, but now I am a complete train wreck.
Let me explain this another way. This weekend, the fictional character that I felt most similar to was Agnes Skinner. Do you remember that episode of The Simpsons when Bart is hanging out with Principal Skinner’s mom, and she has that book of pictures of cake pictures? Bart just wants to eat the cake, and she doesn’t eat cake (because it is “too sweet”), she just likes to look at pictures of cakes, like the Lady Baltimore Cake. This weekend, I made a cake that was almost purely for decorative purposes only.
It was a Coca Cola Chocolate Cake.
Now the fact that the picture of this cake shows a couple of slices missing might seem to indicate that this cake served as more than decoration in function. But well, you would be wrong. I ate a few slices because the cake was moist and delicious. It was four layers, and the chocolate frosting with Coca Cola was hands down the best chocolate frosting that I have ever made. However, the cake was primarily decorative, because the fact remains that the only two people outside of work with whom I interact in person on a routine basis is David and Sarah. David doesn’t like chocolate or desserts. He ate part of one piece and said it was too rich for him. Sarah has been off any kind of sugar for the past six months. I can’t give chocolate to Knightley because he is a dog. I can’t (or rather shouldn’t) eat a whole four layer chocolate cake myself; particularly when I consider that cake was made with six sticks of butter. I don’t need a pound and a half of butter in my arteries. So I looked at the cake for a few days, and then had to throw it away.
I am so dumb that I didn’t even think to make the cake on my cake carrier with a lid so that I theoretically could have transported it to work. Nope. I made it on my pretty cake plate and the realized that I couldn’t transfer it without destroying the whole cake.
Purely, deliciously decorative.
Sort of like these blogs – the Mormon fashion blogs.
Look, our religion takes enough flack from people out there without these blogs bringing it on our community ourselves by promoting ourselves in surface-level terms. Like we need anything more vapid.