Knightley’s Revenge

Today, I was walking Knightley past the Supreme Court, when one of the Capitol Hill Police stopped us so a car could exit from the Supreme Court garage. It was a larger BMW, with the windows tinted completely black, and by the police officer’s reaction, I knew it was one of the Supreme Court justices. Knightley knew it too. I am not joking or making this up. He started dry heaving and then THREW UP right there by the Supreme Court driveway. This was entirely bizarre as both before and after the incident, Knightley acted completely well and not like he has been suffering from any sort of illness. It wasn’t a particularly warm day, and Knightley has never thrown up on a walk that we have taken before. I tried to diagnose what was wrong with him and then I remembered…

United States v. Stevens: The Supreme Court recently struck down a federal law that forbade the sale or possession of depictions of animal cruelty, ruling it was overbroad and vague. Yes, it was classic First Amendment jurisprudence (I don’t care, I don’t see how or why any depiction of animal cruelty for the sake of entertainment should be protected), but that doesn’t mean that Knightley appreciates that decision. He was thinking about those poor doggies, subjected to dog-fighting as depicted in the terrible film that the defendant was charged with selling. Knightley was thinking about being a Supreme Court justice for Halloween, seeing as how he looks so distinguished, but now refuses to stoop to that level. Well, unless he went as Justice Alito, that is. It turns out, that is the only justice that Knightley isn’t mad at right now (seeing as how he dissented in the case). That is also why I am sure that it wasn’t Justice Alito in the car that Knightley threw up at the sight of.

I wanted whatever justice that was in that car to wind down the window and inquire about the poor dog throwing up on the sidewalk. I would have said to the Sir or Madam, “Look what you’re doing,” in the same voice as when I was eight years old and telling Melissa that she was holding my cat Coco the wrong way.

You may say that I am absolutely crazy for thinking that my dog is aware of all of these things, and you probably are right that Knightley probably isn’t consciously aware of any of this. But dogs just know; they just know.

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